But, even cynical types like us have to admit that sometimes this stuff can get downright creepy.
#6.
A Terrifyingly Accurate Prediction by Edgar Allan Poe
PIMP.
Poe did a Blair Witch thing with his novel, which claimed to be based on true events. This turned out to be a half-truth: The real life events simply had not happened yet.
One scene in The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket visits a whaling ship lost at sea, taking with it all but four crewmen. Out of food, the men drew lots to see who would be eaten, the unfortunate decision landing on a young cabin boy named Richard Parker.
Before fathering Spider-Man and being double-crossed by the Red Skull!
Editor's note: Change that. You're an idiot.
Where it Gets Even Weirder:
...who was named Richard Parker.
Richard Parker: aged 17 years.
Hell, this was us!
#5.
Morgan Robertson Writes About the Titanic... 14 Years Early
Where it Gets Weird:
He was so eager to be first, apparently, that he didn't bother to wait for the Titanic to actually sink before writing about it. The Wreck of the Titan was published in 1898, 14 years before RMS Titanic was even finished being [cheaply] built.
The similarities between Robertson's work and the Titanic disaster are so astounding that one has to imagine if White Star Line built Titanic to Robertson's specs as a dare. The Titan was described as "the largest craft afloat and the greatest of the works of men," "equal to that of a first class hotel," and, of course, "unsinkable".
Both ships were British-owned steel vessels, both around 800 feet long and sank after hitting an iceberg in the North Atlantic, in April, "around midnight." Sound like enough to keep you up at night? Maybe that's why Robertson republished the book in 1912 just in case enough people didn't know that he wrote it.
And you thought this guy was an ass.
While the novel does bear some curious coincidences with the Titanic disaster, there are quite a few things that Robertson got flat wrong. For one, the Titanic did not crash into an iceberg "400 miles from Newfoundland" at 25 knots. It crashed into an iceberg 400 miles from Newfoundland at 22.5 knots.
Wait, what the fuck? That's one hell of a lucky guess!
What 41.1 million square miles looks like.
For one, both the Titan and the Titanic had too few lifeboats to accommodate every passenger on board; the Titan carrying "as few as the law allowed." While Robertson decided to be generous and include four lifeboats more on his ship than Titanic, it's an odd point to bring up when you consider that lifeboats had nothing to do with the fucking story. When Titan hit the iceberg (starboard bow, naturally), the ship sank immediately, making the point made about lifeboats inconsequential. Why the fuck mention this?!
It'd be like HAL 9000 addressing the danger posed by O-rings at low temperature decades before the Challenger disaster.
#4.
The Civil War Keeps Finding Wilmer McLean
The first battle of the Civil War pretty much happened at this guy's place. The Battle of Bull Run, broke out on July 21, 1861 near Manassas, Virginia--McLean's hometown. Confederate Gen. P.G.T. Beauregard needed a building to serve as headquarters for his staff and many initials, and when he saw Wilmer McLean's cozy house, he figured "what the fuck..." and camped there.
Major war foul.
Where it Gets Weird:
But, hey, an insane amount of fighting occurred along that road. A lot of people between Richmond and DC could say a battle happened on their front lawn. And, after this narrow escape with the Reaper in his very own home, McLean figured that moving his family out of No Man's Land would be a smart bet.
Where it Gets Even Weirder:
When Wilmer settled on a cottage in Clover Hill, Virginia, the town that later changed its name to Appomattox Court House. By 1865, Robert E. Lee's "invincible" Army of North Virginia was too busy having the ever-loving shit kicked out of it by General Ulysses S. Grant of the Union Army to defend Richmond. So after abandoning their capital, Lee's sorry-excuse-for-an-army was chased by Grant all across Virginia to... fucking Appomattox Court House.
The armies of the Civil War, taking the battle to wherever Wilmer happened to be that day.
Once the two armies left (and helped themselves to some furniture as souvenirs), the now-bankrupt McLean remarked: "The war began in my front yard and ended in my front parlor," which is probably the classiest way a man can handle the single most shit-luck in American history.
Should've just moved to Gettysburg.
#3.
Ohio is Full of Astronauts
The first two aviators in both Ohioan and American history were Orville and Wilbur Wright, who successfully demonstrated the world's first airplane in 1903. Yeah, it was a piece of shit and it could only fly for 12 seconds, but at least it got them out of Ohio and onto the sandy beaches of North Carolina to test it. Once it landed, aviation was born.
"We will call it the 'Get Out of Ohio Machine.'"
Well, 59 years later, another Ohioan heard that the U.S. government was shooting people into space. Since this offered him a chance to get further away from Ohio than any aircraft, he replied "Sign my ass up." Unfortunately, the man was dangerously unqualified for the job, but despite lacking the necessary college requirements, NASA figured "what the hell... he's from Ohio" and let him go. On February 20, 1962, he became the first American shot into orbit. His name is John Glenn.
Just look how happy he is! (Not pictured: Ohio)
Where it Gets Weird:
So the Wright Brothers and John Glenn all came from the same state. Big whoop, right? The odds of that happening are like 1:48 (excluding Hawaii, Alaska, and the rest of the freakin' planet). But then John F. Kennedy vowed to land an American on the Moon by the decade's end and this promise was fulfilled on July 20, 1969 by Neil Armstrong. Want to guess what state Neil Armstrong was from?
Ohio, the "I'm outta here" state.
Where it Gets Even Weirder:
Oh, wait, no. The state produced another 22 freaking astronauts along the way. What the fuck? The last one you probably heard of was Jim Lovell. Who's Jim Lovell?
Seriously, NASA even has a thing on its website practically apologizing for the fact that a state containing just 3% of America's population so utterly dominates the frontiers of human flight.
#2.
America's Freak Luck During the Battle of Midway
Despite going into battle with most of Japan's game plan in their pocket thanks to American codebreakers/Bothan spies, the U.S. Navy had little to show for it in the early hours of June 4, 1942. Just about every aircraft that took on the Japanese that day was destroyed, and all without delivering any serious damage. In short, the Battle of Midway started off like the Battle of Endor, only with every fighter in the Rebel Fleet crashing into the Death Star's deflector shield.
There was one squadron of American dive bombers lead by Lieutenant Commander C. Wade McClusky, Jr. that got lost on the way to the battle. So lost that they entirely missed out on the initial bloodbath that got all of their fellow planes killed. Nearly out of fuel and flying blind in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, commander McClusky nevertheless put his enormous balls to the walls and kept searching for the real life Imperial Fleet.
His squadron started dropping like flies until, in an act of sheer luck that would make even J.K. Rowling roll her eyes, McClusky stumbled across a Japanese destroyer. Once he lifted his eyes to scan the horizon, the bastard saw the Rising Sun of the Imperial Japanese Fleet staring back at him and realized, "Holy shit! Just the enemy navy I was looking for!" Of course, judging by what had been happening prior to that, this meant certain death.
While finding the ships at all was luck, by some kind of ridiculous freak luck McClusky's squadron arrived at the precise moment when all three Japanese carriers were reloading and rearming their aircraft.
In a matter of minutes, Japanese fleet carriers Kaga, Akagi, and Soryu--along with all their airplanes--were destroyed in an attack that cost the Imperial Navy some of its finest sailors and pilots. The fourth carrier Hiryu was sunk in a counterattack the next day, effectively wiping out the same Strike Force that made up the attack on Pearl Harbor.
This winning of the lottery twice in the same day dealt the Japanese Navy's first defeat in almost 300 years, and a lopsided victory for the Americans that the Imperials never recovered from.
It'd be like this happening four times, and all in one battle.
#1.
The July Fourth Curse
So it's one of those "more ironic than weird" coincidences that one of the founding fathers and second President of the United States, John Adams, met his maker on July 4, 1826: 50 years to the day after America was born.
Where it Gets Weird:
Right before John Adams died, he muttered, "Thomas Jefferson survives," since the two enjoyed a bit of a bromance in the twilight of their lives (Jefferson of course taking the White House right after Adams).
...when he wasn't busy being a pimp.
Commence mindfucking.
Where it Gets Even Weirder:
So, two of the nation's first three presidents died on the same day. So by our calculations, it'd be like a thousand presidents before you'd have another die on the Fourth of July.
Or, you know, two. Our fifth President, James Monroe, died on July 4, 1831. Yep, three of our first five Presidents died on Independence Day.
While we're on the July 4th thing, can we also throw in the Battle of Gettysburg, the largest and most pivotal battle in the Civil War, a day that determined the fate of the nation Adams and Jefferson helped create? It ended on July 4, 1863.
And that victory was crucial for the Union forces because, in a completely unrelated battle, Union General Ulysses S. Grant's six-month campaign against Vicksburg, Mississippi finally ended in the city's unconditional surrender.
Also on July Fourth.
"Fucking a." - Ulysses S. Grant, before puking.
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